By Roxane Lewis | Associate Counselor, Recovery Works Merrillville
Introduction
My name is Roxane, and this is my story. Today, I write this as an addictions counselor, but the road to this point has been long and harrowing. My miracle date is August 31, 2018, the day I chose to break free from the chains of addiction and begin my life anew. This is the journey that brought me here.
A Life Rooted in Struggles
My path into addiction began in an unexpected place. I grew up within the Amish Mennonite community, a world untouched by substances of any kind. Yet, beneath the surface of that seemingly sheltered life was deep-seated trauma and abuse. At 18, with nothing but a suitcase and no understanding of the world beyond, I walked away from home.
At the time, I didn’t know it yet but I was struggling with severe social anxiety and bipolar II disorder—silent battles that made transitioning to adulthood incredibly hard. Overwhelmed, I turned to alcohol for relief. It offered a temporary escape from the pain and chaos, but I didn’t realize where it would lead me.
The Downward Spiral
What started as a coping mechanism turned into a destructive cycle that consumed 20 years of my life. My mental health collapsed as my reliance on alcohol grew, becoming my only way to handle the consuming feeling of sadness, fear, and insecurity.
Over time, my addiction took everything from me. My relationships fell apart. My dreams slipped away. Worst of all, I lost myself. I no longer knew where my addiction ended and I began. It wasn’t just something I used—it became the foundation of my daily life.
The final year of my addiction was devastating. Months of hospital visits left me hooked up to feeding tubes and respirators as my body struggled to recover. Doctors warned me alcohol would kill me, but I was more afraid of living sober than dying drunk.
The Turning Point
On August 31, 2018, I hit rock bottom. The shame, guilt, and hopelessness were suffocating. I felt like I was sinking in a pit of tar with no way out. That night, I decided to end my life, convinced there was no escape.
But then something shifted. A flicker of instinct pushed me to call a recovery center. It was an act of desperation, but it became my lifeline. The next day, I entered treatment—not sure it would work, but determined to say I had tried everything before letting alcohol take my life.
The Road to Recovery
I spent 62 days in treatment, fully committed to the recovery process. For the first time, I faced the pain I had buried. I did group therapy, learned coping and healing strategies, and began to rediscover myself. It was a life-changing experience that gave me hope.
Returning home, I worked hard to rebuild my life. Each step forward brought more clarity and light. Slowly but surely, I started to see the beauty in life again, filled with gratitude and self-discovery.
Finding My Purpose
My recovery not only restored my life but also revealed my purpose. I realized that my own struggles could help others. I felt called to support those trapped in the same darkness I had escaped.
Today, I’m proud to serve as an addictions counselor at Recovery Works in Merrillville, Indiana. Every day, I get to turn my pain into a source of guidance and compassion for others, showing that no matter how deep the struggle, recovery is possible.
A Message of Hope
To anyone struggling with addiction, you are not alone. There is life beyond substance abuse, and it’s worth fighting for. Every small step forward shows your resilience.
As C.S. Lewis said, “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” My destiny is now filled with gratitude, healing, and purpose—and yours can be too.
If my story resonates with you, know that recovery is possible and it is beautiful. Reach out for help if you need it. Healing is within reach, and there is always light on the other side.
About The Author
